Sound the Charge!!

By my count, we've got 9 Chain Gangers rolling to Fernandina, Saturday, for the 2nd round of the Florida State Championship Series. I know of at least 2 more showing up Sunday morning.

Personally, I've been tired from the race travel, but a couple of months off does wonders for, or to, the psyche. This race was on my "schedule, so I could race my 29er at least once, and with my sketchy ankle, not too many courses are agreeable. This one is flat, fast, and not too rough, so here goes.

Next thing I know, BikeChain is a round sponsor. Let's hear it for K-Dub's vision, or madness! Either way, you gotta back your brother's play. Chain Gangers en masse. They're coming out of the woodwork for this one. Human Wrecking Ball is on his 15th racer reincarnation. We can rebuild him. He will will be stronger. He will be faster. He may blow sky high, but the tales afterward will be enthusiastic and entertaining! Longshanks will be expanding his views from the inside of the expert torture chamber. Silk will be debuting his latest Frankenbike. Spanish Mackerel heard the trumpets calling from his place in the clouds, and will drift earthward for a weekend with the boys. Clearly, Big Jim Slade has not had enough to fret about since the GA Series, so he's jumped on board. Even New Baby Daddy, Marcus, is looking to participate in the race foolishness. It's probably a lot easier than the new baby madness that's been his reality, lately. Derwood has started threatening us with his RV racermobile. If we go over in that rig...God help us! No, really! I mean God help us. I'd like to actually arrive, and a little divine influence could go a long way.

If you find yourself along the North Florida Atlantic Coast this weekend, and there are a bunch of hyped up, lycra clad, mountain bike kooks buzzing the beach line, look around for the BikeChain tent. Stop by and say hello, but beware, if you get a little madness on you, we are not responsible.

Fine Print: BikeChain madness may stain. You may be able to get it out with seltzer water, but I wouldn't know because I don't believe in froo froo stuff like seltzer water. You may find you like the stain, and that's ok. It's not like it's some sort of social stigma. Well, actually it is, but we kind of like social stigmas around here, so embrace it. If the stain is left too long, you may find yourself suffering side effects. Side effects may include: leg shaving, lycra wearing, mud splashing, bike part cravings, possible divorce due to inordinate amounts of riding time on weekends when you should be mowing the grass, planning your vacations around the 50 mile race you read about in Dahlonega, and having entirely too much fun with a bunch of two wheeled misfits who enjoy the same BikeChain, stain driven, side effects. Not so bad, huh? You may have noticed that anal leakage was nowhere in that list. Now you're gettin' it!

Everybody gotta have a dream

So I've been in my own personal Siberia. I'm no different than any other fool out there. By all accounts I have a perfect life. An American life - A job, wife, kids, two dogs and BBQ on the weekends. I look at the kids homework, do odd jobs around the house and sling my own version of TPS reports at work. Let's just say that I'm invested in the family. That is great but I got this devil on my shoulder driving me to be more, whispering pipe-dreams of stand up comedy fame, real estate tycoon status and bicycle parts liquidator warehouse Internet mogul thingie. I feel guilty for wanting more. I don't need more things. But I do need more achievement. I can't shut the brain down. Meanwhile I'm either losing it or really inspired by a morality play that shouldn't inspire - but it does. Terrance Howard's DJay character has caught my attention with his proclamational song "It ain't over me." The movie is Hustle and Flow from 2005. It's a tough watch because the guy is a scum bag pimp and drug dealer, but yet you can't help from being drawn to the character. I'm guessing I like it because DJay climbs from one of the worst places you can imagine to implied success. I think I'll ride my bike today.

Red Dragon

From the Weekend

Great ride on Sunday. Unfortuantely the numbers twindled as the ride went on. A little weird that out of 5 guys I'm the only one with hair on his legs.

The End

Ok, so let’s rap this thing up. On Saturday Me, Big Worm, Ice Berg, and Graham Cracker piled in the truck and made the long drive to Helen for the last of the Georgia State Championship series. Big Worm and I had participated in most of the series races with Ice Berg and Cracker just tagging along. Longshanks and his wife headed up on Thursday to make a long weekend of it.

I was so stoked that this was the last race in the series and I can promise you it will be the last series I commit to.

The trip up was fairly uneventful. We made the usual stop at the sausage place so Worm could get his fix. We were pretty happy once we finally made it into Helen, only to find out that place stays crowed with tourists all year long. It took us 30 minutes to get through town before we could make our way to Unicoi for our pre-ride.

The trails at Unicoi are awesome. Nothing real technical and the trails were in great shape. Plenty of climbing but all were doable. The descents were fun (even though I loved my brakes on most of them – I’ve got to work on this weakness). Berg and Cracker did their thing while the Worm and I decided a slower pace would be more appropriate for a pre-ride.

When we get back to the truck I see foot doc at the parking lot. Foot doc was only 2 points behind me in the series points (me in second and him in third). He notifies me that he will not be racing the next day due to an injury he sustained in the Ellijay race. Sucks for him, but my race just got easier. The fourth place guy was 4 points back so he should not be a problem.

A walk in the oven (it was hot), some mediocre food (but good beer) and we are back at the hotel for an early night of it. Sunday morning comes and we are off to Unicoi. We find a good park, set up the tent and Worm and I get ready for the early wave start. Thank God for this. It was brutally hot and we knew the second wave guys would be suffering.

I’m not quite as terrified as I usually am before a race but the butterflies were still there. Worm is off and I am awaiting my start. Small group this race as only 9 guys show up. We’re off and I am second going into the woods behind “evil bastard.” Of course the race starts going uphill and then a sharp switchback. EB hits the deck while trying to negotiate the switchback. I get around and am leading the race. Roadie dude is on my wheel and stays there for a while before he decides to get around. He’s gone. By that time EB finds my wheel. He stays there for most of the .lap. We start discussing politics and the state of the current health care system before he realizes I can’t climb worth a damn so he gets around and he’s gone. I keep a steady pace and start picking guys off from the other groups. I’m starting to think that a third place finish would be respectful and this way I am assured of my number 2 series placing. Every now and then I can spot roadie dude in front of me but never really could bridge the gap. I’m tired of climbing and my heart rate is way up. I’m ready to be done. I pop out of the woods, think “thank God” and start to make the 75-100 trek to the finish line. I look back to see who’s behind me and thought I saw a guy in my class. I amp it up then look back again. The guys not coming (he ended up not being in my class). I look up and notice roadie dude right there. The kick in the balls for this race is that the last 30 fee or so is straight up. I kid you not that sport guys were walking up this thing. Well luckily for me roadie guy did not know I was coming until it was too late. I was in the perfect gear and he was not. I stomped it out, caught him, and beat him to the line by about a foot or two. I was stoked to have stolen second place.

Big Worm finished up and got his first place finish. Who cares that he was the only guy racing in his class.

Graham Cracker destroyed his field. This kid flew. I know because he flew by me during my race. What’s amazing is that he hit something that stung him on the mouth about 10 minutes into his race. His mouth swelled up like a life raft.

Berg being the amazing racer that he is (if you don’t believe me just ask him) destroyed his field as well.

Longshanks in his first expert race suffered. Three laps and a hot day made the conditions tough. It still looks like he had a respectful finish. I sure wish I had your toughness LS.

We hit the series ending awards ceremony where BW and I collect our plaque and swag, jump in the truck and head back home. I’m in the door about midnight, announce to the wife that amazing his home, show off the swag and hit the bed.

Georgia series in the books.

Hitting the Wall

Me and Longshanks made the long drive to Ellijay over the weekend for the 7th installment of the Georgia State MTB Championship Series. The Event was held at “Falling Waters” which is a planned gated community on 2,000 acres. The place was beautiful with a lodge, giant lake and great views of the mountains in the distance. We pull in around 2:00 on Saturday for our pre-ride. The temperature was a cool 77 degrees (are you kidding me, it’s July).

We gear up and hit the course. The start takes you 1.5 miles up a paved road. Two minutes into the ride, I’m in my small chainring and small cog and my heart rate is at 90% max. This road was steep and painful. This is a pre-ride and I’m working too hard. Fifteen minutes later we made it to the top of the climb and finally hit some doubletrack. You get a chance to recover a little before hitting some little false flats. About the time you have recovered from the road climb they give you a nice little doublletrack climb. LS powers up but again I am in small/small and just about hitting max heart rate. I make it to the top, stop, and try to get my breath. Damn that little hill hurt. Finally, some downhill that you can flow. Then, suddenly, I see 3 arrows all pointing down (the sign of danger ahead). What came next was the scariest downhill I have ever ridden. This thing had washouts, ruts a few rocks and headed straight down. You dared not let go of the breaks. The few times I did let go I could not believe how fast the speed built up. LS was just ahead of me and about half way down this 2 mile or so decent when he hit the ground. I swerve as not to run over his skull. We stop and wonder what the weird smell is. We soon realize that our brakes are smoking. We get back on the bikes and finish the decent. The rest of the ride is easy. Some hiking trails and then pop out into a field that has some small climbs. 5.5 miles and 44 minutes later and were done with the pre-ride.

I knew Sunday would be tough. I am no climber and am at least 10 pounds heavier than I should be. My legs felt heavy from the previous days efforts and I’m dreading doing the road climb (twice). LS has the early race and takes off. He comes through both laps in 3rd place. The first two guys (sandbaggers) have left the rest of the field behind. LS finishes in third but he is a little disappointed in his race.

I have the second wave so I’m off around 11:40. Eleven guys in my class and we are headed up the road climb. I feel like everyone in my class has passed me going up. I catch and pass most before the singletrack. I believe I was in the woods in 4th place. Unfortunately I have a mechanical and have to get off the bike to fix it when two guys pass me. I jump back on and catch those two. I get to the doubletrack climb and end up walking half of it. Bomb the downhill and get ready for the next lap. At the start of number 2 I knew I was in 3rd place. NB checked out early but I had my eye on the 2nd place guy. He stayed in my sight all of the lap but I could never get right up on him to get a chance to sprint it out at the end. I finish 3rd about 30 second behind 2nd place guy.

Considering how I felt going up the climbs, I guess I should feel good about the 3rd place finish, but truly I do not feel that I am riding very good lately. Most of my issues appear to be more mental than physical. One more race to go in the series which is Helen in 3 weeks. I’m holding onto 2nd place overall with the 3rd place guy on my heels only 2 points behind. I’ll need to pay close attention to him in Helen.

So what did the two older guys learn while traveling alone to a MTB race? Pinot Noir goes best with cheese and crackers when served at room temperature.

GSC Race report

Well, I finally got ON the podium in expert. Not in the grass next to it, but ON it. 2nd place behind A.J., I'll take that. Some haters may argue that there was a low turnout, but I still beat out alot of fast guys in my class, and others as well. When I compare my past finishes and times to this past race, it is clear that I have made improvements over the rest of the feild. Not sure what it was; I mean I am really confused by it. It can only be one of two things: Mona Vie, or I am well rested. Maybe it is a combo of all the hard work I put in earlier in the season, with alot of rest lately. (by rest, I mean 3 hard 1.25 hour rides a week, with an occasional group ride thrown in and 3-5 gym visits per week) I have had no time to ride on most recent weekends. Hmmm, maybe everyone is just getting slower. Whatever, I gots my medal and I made all the boys stand around and wait for me to collect my paycheck baby!

So the trip itself was cool. That area of GA has this crazy lake that looks like a morph of a lake and a river. Lake Oconee I think. There seemed to be more boats in the water than people. It was insane. All the while during our pre-ride, we kept hearing the laughs and screams from nearby boats. The smell and sound of the outboards finally broke us down and we all decided to sell our bikes and get some boats. Yes, SOME. The plan is for BW to get a ski boat, bikediet gets the pontoon boat and BJS gets a cabin boat. The Mack already has a center console boat. We are going to do our best to not be complete losers anymore. So, if this all pans out I will need a new handle for blogging and bikechain.com won't really make sense in the boat world. boatnutrition just doesn't sound right. But, bikechain.com could turn into boatmotor.com - its got legs...

As far as the rest of the racing crew: BW got first place in Clydes and will most likely be the GSC series champion. He mainly just has to show up at the last race and collect his riches. BJS was a little less than pleased with his performance (still in the wood) and may be looking at 2nd overall in the GSC series. I think everyone needs to quit picking on BJS cause his mental game is lowing him down. So the next time you feel like cracking a joke, just praise him instead - will work wonders. The Mack raced to a thrid place finish, HOWEVER, due to a butterfly distraction 100 yards from the finish line, two guys got around him and pushed him back to fifth. Still, a very good finish considering his sickness for the previous week.

All in all, another good trip with the boys. Good food, good times.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Tomorrow marks the second anniversary of the now infamous "lips on my belly" comment. Here's how the story goes.... So we are at cuz's little sister's b-day party. This is the fist time London and myself had been on a date in awhile. It was also the first time we honestly realized we were getting to be a part of the older crowd. London and I got there first which in recent years in itself has become an anomaly. We go to the bar and I start working on my favorite drink. London looks great because we've dressed in our best, hippest, going out clothes. We're feeling right. Then the pretty people show up. An assortment of Abecrombie and Fitch models, all pre-med, show up like they've just spilled out of a limo and walked the red carpet. We fight through the imaginary paparazzi to our hibachi table. London and I sit on the edge. All is going well and I'm behaving for the most part. Introductions, kikoman flipping an egg in his hat, a few drinks and everybody is feeling right. By the time dude is making an onion volcano, everybody is loose and we are starting to fit in, sort of. Then the conversation shifts to everybody going out. I think the birthday girl wants to dance. I puff my chest out proclaiming I can dance. Birthday girl laughs. Inner-redneck man appears and does his best E.F. Hutton. The table talk and laughter came to a screeching halt as I say "shit I can dance, I can do all the dances. I'll jump up on this table and dance. I'll do it with lips on my belly." They all looked perplexed. Mark looked at me like he was mortified, like he was actually embarrassed. Like he was saying WTF and meant it. I wanted to explain but thought better of it as London whispered something about being embarrassed. A few seconds later, that felt like forever, Mark finally broke the deafening silence by erupting with laughter. Not because what I said was funny, but because all of their friends found out I was freak in less than a dinner.

Cheers,