The Chronicles of BC; 5000 more words

The Chronicles of BC; 5000 words

The Chronicles of BC; Revolutions Cyclery

So, after the big race at Elijay where BC crushed Ace like 1978 El Camino center stage at a Monster Truck Jam came Revolutions. I can't give exact details as to the when and why. After being deflated at Elijay, I started concentrating more on beach volleyball, Sea Doos, beer and clubs - and less on racing. In other words I skipped on the scene for awhile. Of course, being family and all I was privy to the initial talks of the shop. BC, SM and Middle bro got together and started it up. Middle bro was the money man and kinda behind the scenes. BC and SM were the faces of the shop. They brought on a high school friend (of mine) that Kent knew a little about.
See, BC and SM were biscuits in high school together and BW and I were skater buddies in high school as well. So there was some crossover there. On a side note, BW had the equivalent of Kona Skate Park in his backyard in high school.
So anyway, BC and SM hired the best mechanic this side of Texas (and maybe the other side too). BW, SM and BC commenced to running Revolutions and setting the ground work for what would become the coolest bike shop in town. Not sure how many years Rev Mart was around, but apparently no amount of laughter can pay the bills forever. We knew things were rough when Jeff Gordon started hanging around the shop everyday. More stories on all that later.

The Chronicles of BC; pre-BC

This is the parallel entry to apebike’s first installment of the chronicles of BC. To learn about the history of BC, you have to first know the history of Revolutions Cyclery. But, we can’t jump ahead too many chapters at a time so we will go back a little further.

Sometime in 1989, 007 was making so much money building houses that he had money to burn. So what did he do? He went and bought a “nice” mountain bike from Sears – A Lotus. At the same time, the trails at Munson Hills, Phipps and others were being ridden by some early adopters. All this was about the same time the St Marks trail was being built over some old Rail Road tracks. BC’s ‘rents were riding Jamis Boss cruisers and cophasing with the Shanks as well. BC was already helping a guy on the side of the St Marks trail (Larry) build bikes for sale to the locals. Imagine a school chair coupled to a hacked up road frame and you have a Woodville recumbent. Sooo, all of that added up to enough to finally get BC and his cuz on a MTB. I’m not sure which is a nicer bike – a Huffy or a Murray. Either way, we had one of each and we went riding. As is the case with everyone else, it was instant infatuation. BC quickly stepped up to a nicer Trek (850?). However, it was not as nice as the Spanish Mackerels’ same-paint-scheme Trek 950. Those early days consisted mostly of Cuz, BC, 007, The Mackerel, and the Middle bro on a Haro (One of BC’s older brothers, one of 007’s younger brothers). In addition, the Mackerel brought a couple guys in to the scene who would fancy themselves out on some rides with us. About this same time Big Worm was rocking the Michael Bolton surf shop hair and riding a nicer Specialized with custom NWA paint (in Daytona). He was hanging with the sophisticated and advanced local MTB crew. Apparently we weren’t high brow enough at that time to infiltrate the likes of Dave Baton, Zach, Snowman and such.

The following year(s) were spent swapping bikes, saving and spending money and getting mad skills. The first race team (for us) was started and we had a truck the size of my house for travel. We were K.Y.D.D, Racing. We were mostly spotted putting in our training miles at Munson and Leon Sinks. Leon Sinks was fun to ride and it stinks that it was shut down. The trails went down in the sink holes and some of the lines were impossible (for us) to ride. I can remember a time when I borrowed 007’s nice and relatively new Specialized. BC and I dropped in one sink hole at least half a dozen times and could never ride out of it. Every time we dropped in, we knew we were going to crash but we kept trying. The trails would also flood real bad in areas. We rode it one time in handlebar deep water and the bike almost floated.

My first race was a couple years later (1992?) in Ellijay, GA. Some of you know the place – M.O.E. Wow! Those guys had suspension forks and bikes that were clearly way better than mine. Not that I knew bikes well, but mine wasn’t nice. Sure, it had a remarkable paint job. It was teal green and painted with left over paint from my Camaro. It did at least have aluminum rims and a three piece crank (which was my benchmark up until that point). Of course I was a hard core racer so my (steel) handlebar was cut down to less than sixteen inches. My four finger brake levers were cut down to a nice, respectable three finger length. Well not only was my bike ill prepared for the race, but my fitness was too. There was one hill there that I could not ride in my middle ring, and I could hardly keep my balance in my granny. I would have said it was impossible to ride except for the fact that right at that exact moment in my thought process I was peppered with roost from one of those fancy suspension fork haverers. This was the famous race where BC beat Ace and he kept saying, for years… “, The last time we raced I kicked your ass.” I decided not to race but Ace, Jack Shank, 007 and BC all raced. I was repeatedly quoted as telling Jack “you don’t understand, I am not going to race”. They kept trying to talk me into it but I wouldn’t budge. Wish I would have though cause my first race was postponed four more years. Well, that was back in the day and at least 40 bikes ago.

Dirty Ron is on the Horizon

The Dirty Ron is on the horizon. I have not been riding my bike. It is going to hurt. I think it will be good for the soul. Here is the plan....

Thursday- night ride on some Big Worm selected single track, then drink beer immediately.

Friday- get cyclocross bike ready with Big Worm built wheels, then drink beer immediately.

Saturday- The Dirty Ron is on. Beer drinking will commence immediately after.

Sunday- Old school Revolutions ride, but much slower. Beer drinking immediately after.

Monday- I leave and you guys stop drinking beer after your rides.

Jim Laugh (JL) vs. YAPL

Interesting. We have always had a pecking order for who is the fastest on the bike. This has been great fun and another way for fake humbility - aka: sand bagging. The latest "sizing up" competition is who is funny and who is not. I'm so on tilt that it doesn't matter anymore (at least to me). I've been verbally brutalized as of late. Reminds me of the time I tried to be funny and Mark apologized on my behalf and said I was just in kid mode - affectionately dubbed "pee pee poo poo pants." I could always come back with some sort of bicycle accomplishment but those days/times seem to be a long time ago now. In my mind I've been here all along, but in reality I'm far removed from the cycling culture (which is not where I want to be). It reminds me of the time I made it back to cycling and Terry asked Chris "who's that loudmouthed new guy?" So it's time for a comeback from all the comebacks. Ronnie and I are in self-improving mode so I think I have at least one buddy. I've recently been called out - more so than in a long time. At this point I don't get to ride, I HAVE TO RIDE. Can you imagine Terry gets off his liquid plumber and kicks my ass on the bike? I will never live that down.

So... in an effort to spend more time with my friends AND ride my bike, I make it out to the Yet Another Steve ride on Thursday. Now maybe it was the two weeks of oxycodone and bed rest, maybe it was the lack of muscle memory OR maybe it was this little piggy went to Piggy's too many times, but the fastest 30 minutes in cycling blew to pieces at around 1 hour. On my excuses side of the brain my knee was hurting and I had crashed hard twice (once less than a minute into the ride). I had been feeling great on the ride but we had a quite a few start-stops. I do better when we without the stops. For some reason it takes me quite awhile to get the legs back after a stop. Hopefully it's just a lactic acid thing. And so it goes we had been at the bike wash - getting water bottle refills. Somebody questioned "lap of Tom Brown?" And of course we were off. It wasn't a face pace but for the second time on the ride my legs just went to noodles - barely capable of making forward progress. Jim was behind me talking as my mind was trying to command the pedals. He joked as to why there was such a gap between the group and us. My non-response and lack of speeding up indicated to him that I was indeed not joking. "Seriously?," he replied in a drawn out version of the word. He followed that with a new laugh. A soft laugh that you try to stop or stifle - the kind where you laugh and immediately know you should not be laughing. The kind where you have no way out of the laugh but to clear your throat or golf cough. He was dead silent. Not sure if he felt bad or was smiling ear to ear, but he had just invented the You Are Pathetic Laugh or YAPL. Feel free to sub in other words but just know Jim is the author. What was I to do? He had just verbally pants'd me and I had NOTHING left in the tank. It did not matter that nobody else was around. Rule # 5 kicked in and I hammered - at least for a few minutes. :) Drag on

Golf Laugh

Believe it or not the Internet does have a definition for “golf laugh”. It states a golf laugh is “To offer a short, polite chuckle to someone as an acknowledgement that they said something THEY think is amusing, but it really isn't. To help someone not feel uncomfortable or embarrassed by politely laughing at their stupid joke.”

Suffices to say and considering the group of guys I hang with I golf laugh…… ALLOT. Aside from the Wrecking Ball and, occasionally, the Spanish Mackerel most of the BC guys just aren’t really that funny. Don’t get me wrong, they definitely believe they are. Perhaps it’s just me.

Other terms:
JL or Jim Laugh: Similar to golf laugh but instead of trying to be polite it has more of a “I am very uncomfortable with this line of joking around can you please stop now before I kill you” tone to it.

LOL or Laughing Out Loud: Often a term used by teenage girls…..or Lil’ Ball…..LOL

Good Day

Went to Publix. Saw a great friend. Went for a "couldn't get the tires to break loose" two hour ride on my bike, the orange Turner is now officially off the chopping block, sorry Chris. Made a turkey sandwich. Had me two Oskar Blues Dale's Pale Ales. Two of those after a ride will make you buy a Park Truing Stand(always wanted one) and a Paul's Components cycling cap. Good day.

Back In The Saddle Again

Working 70 hours a week doesn't leave much time for riding. It never fails, anytime I get any riding schedule, a crime wave occurs and I am screwed. Don't get me wrong, the overtime is nice, but I sacrifice any fitness I have, which ain't much.

I rode the cross bike today and did fifty, as a motivation/detox ride. Luckily they graded the rock roads to ensure that my taint was severely beat. It wasn't as bad as I thought, just kept thinking of Rule#5. I had a red tail hawk flying next to me for about a mile on the levee, guess he was looking for breakfast. Then around mile 30, I ran into a bunch of stinky black opportunists, turkey vultures. They stink and don't move, they kind of hop along the gravel and grunt. I think they were formulating a plan to eat me. Really pissed I could not get in on the Dirty Spagetti, once again due to other people acting like douches.

So here goes another effort to get skinny quick on the bikes, cross your fingers, I am back in the saddle again.

Videos as posted by Bigworm

Here are some videos to watch for those of you (us) that can't go hang with everybody while he is here.

This is a five minute plus video of cycle ball. The sophisticated version of what we all used to do. Maybe we (read, y'all) should get a game together this weekend?? I can't tell you what the end of the video is like since it was way too long for me, but the beginning is neat.



Again, here is another long one. The first part is good. Makes me wish I wasn't scared to go big.



Kent, do you think you can get one of these built by this weekend? Still, shorter video but I didn't last.



Finally, a video made at the perfect length. I watched the whole thing. Wonder if MTB will get this type of technology one day?

Back to Reality

This picture sums it up.

Ron, day 1 and 2 - Seriously? Good times

Ron rolled into town yesterday and met the fellas at one of the local feed bags favored by Big Worm and Big Jim. I hate the place and their yum yum sauce. I showed up late because of work. By the time I walked in, the crew was done with lunch but still chewin the fat. J, Worm, Jim, Zak, Terry, Mark and Lil' were there. Out of smack-talk practice and late to the party, I took a verbal beating. I'd like to say I did so with grace but not really. Had a hard time coming down off of work - kinda like when you get home and just need 30 minutes to yourself to get right. By the time I was warmed up it was time to for everybody else to go. Ron and I had planned go ride but I needed to drop London's car off and run a few errands. He was pissed in a funny way and kept saying "seriously?" (because he had to chauffeur). I was close to shaking the work funk when we finally got to my house. A quick introduction to my disgusting dogs and some ride prep and we were off - headed to Silk and Cliff's singletrack. A stop at Mark's house, no ride cause you're daddy empathy and we headed down the power-lines. Got the new singletrack, east and west loops. Other than slinging beef and vurping garlic chicken, it was "as advertised". Talking and cranking jokes all along the way we made it back to my house 17 miles later. It was an awesome ride and by all accounts and all life segments I felt great.

Day 2 - Woke up and did some honey-dos. Had errands and a life-strategy session with cuz. Forgot my phone and felt too unplugged. Got back and found out we were rolling from Blairstone at 2. From yesterday we lost Mark, Lil, J and Terry, but we picked up Spanish Mackerel (aka Steve). Legs felt good considering I rode the day before. Odd because I haven't ridden two days in-a-row since Birmingham two years ago. This is where things started going horribly long. With a false sense of security I made my way to meet the boys. Mostly everybody was sporting the black and orange. I hang a u-ee and latch onto the back. As usual we are skipping along pretty quick on an allegedly "conversational ride." Everything is great. The weather is perfect, riding with the crew, on a dualie and I'm not working - in other words a hard situation to beat. Then the family truckster starts having problems. The wheels are wobbly, dents all up and down it and the tranny is making a noise - basically I'm starting to come apart. I can't get the salt out of my eyes, I'm breathing hard and having a hard time keeping pace - which I'm sure is not very fast. I keep trying to ride through it but not having much luck. After the ravine I try to sport a downhill and end up speed turning a corner - right off of the trail and crashing into the woods. Sucks. Shake that off and limp up to the group. Gathered by the bike wash, I fill my bottle and shove off to go check out the root hole. Everyone has stalled at some point of this technical downhill section. I'm following Steve as we pass the fellas and he's cleaning every little mini-section. Near the end just when I started celebrating in my mind - wham, bang, boom. Steve cleans the whole thing and I'm ass over head crashed. What followed during the next hour and a half was a long string of pedal suffering and more verbal abuse. I was defenseless in my weakened state.

I loved every minute of it.
K

Ron is in town

Here are some videos to watch for those of you (us) that can't go hang with everybody while he is here.

This is a five minute plus video of cycle ball. The sophisticated version of what we all used to do. Maybe we (read, y'all) should get a game together this weekend?? I can't tell you what the end of the video is like since it was way too long for me, but the beginning is neat.



Again, here is another long one. The first part is good. Makes me wish I wasn't scared to go big.



Kent, do you think you can get one of these built by this weekend? Still, shorter video but I didn't last.



Finally, a video made at the perfect length. I watched the whole thing. Wonder if MTB will get this type of technology one day?

Thinking about a BREW

We don't usually go too far outside of the crew... but lately we've realized there are a bunch of people out there that look at bikechain.com and this blog. Lots of folks in Florida and elsewhere in the states and some from all around the world - that's pretty cool. As big as the world is it's easy to fall into the trap of self-glossing - that is to mean only being worried about shining yourself up for self-promotion. It's OK to have pride but sometimes you need to look around and give credit where due. For a number of reasons I've been thinking about BREW bikes and my facebook friend Steve Brewdude Garn. The guy is an awesome frame builder. The guy is a promotion machine and lately known more for his motorcycles. Best I can remember he cut his teeth on BMX bikes but the crew will remember him best for the 180 and 200 proof MTB frames we used to sell in the mid 90s. Many of these frames are still around and ride great. I've got a large 180 proof (Tim's) for sale if anyone is interested. The cool thing about the Brewdude is he is authentic. He is a tinkerer and magician with all things mechanical. Do your self and poke around on his web site some time - http://www.brewracingframes.com . You have to dig around for the really cool stuff but it's there and worth the price of admission. Look at the pictures of Ol' Rusty and google it - this bike (pictured above) is bad ass. The cool thing about BREW is they are still making new frames - check out the fixie stuff. The cool-est thing about BREW is that they will make anything for you or help you build your own stuff. A few of us have been seriously thinking about taking BREW's frame-building class. I personally been wanting to do this for many years. A few of us have built bikes before and welded many things - but the class is an entirely different level. I been needing a new 29er. Who's in for a January frame-building class?

K

Fat Tire Goodness

The Florida Championship Series promoted by Gone Riding rolled into Tallahassee this past weekend. Ron hitched a ride up with Bob. Several of the BC crew kitted up to race. And lots of friends and family came up to hoot and holler. So many things went on that day it was truly a blur. I'll try to capture some of the day below with my thoughts but the main takeaway is that BC still lives and THANK YOU to all for showing support for the black and orange.


Tim is ripped (look at his arms). He had a bad day racing but still managed a 13th. I know he was poised to win but it was not in the cards. A little rest and he'll be good to go. Nancy was, as always, a lifesaver. Good to see some other Shanks there as well.

Steve is happy and I think it has a lot to do with Kristen. Kristen seems happy too. They both promise to start riding bikes.

My mom and dad made it out. Papa Benny helped out at the booth and worked the crowd. Grandma Shirley brought the Key lime cupcakes and my childhood favorite - chocolate-iced brownies. Case and Mia scarfed those goodies all day and it was nice having London there.



Big Jim had a self-described bad day. One way to look at it is he got a top 20 finish - there is always a bright side. Thanks for showing up tater salad.

Jason showed up big and nonchalantly dominated his class for his first win. His lap times looked real, real good. He's in the right class right now but the rest of BC needs to watch out if he gets ANY faster. Congrats on the win

Terry, Michelle and Cory were there all day. The Wrecking Ball was in good spirits and full of jokes and laughs. Thanks for the Sonny's sides.

Big Worm was another second wave rider claiming to have a bad day. For what it's worth HE rode the track and took home a fourth place so not really trying to hear much complaining. Thank HIM for lugging the charcoal and grill.

Darien flatted but was giving it a solid effort in the single speed class. D supplied the fruits and veggies. Julie brought the kids to cheer dad on.

Ken was pulling double duty - working the Tallahassee Mountain Bike Association magic and rooting on Colter in his junior race. Good race buddy. He had a solid 6th.



Zak? What can I say. He brought his girl for support and spun out the single speed to a solid 2nd place. Congrats. They both sported BC gear and Zak worked a FAMU lid.

I'm pretty sure Ron, Mark and myself had too many Fat Tire Amber Ales, but I know Lt. Dan did. At one point he was going to beat up me, Lyle, Darien and Ric (Lyle was not there).

Berg flexed and ran with the big dogs in the expert/pro class for an impressive 8th.

At different points in the day I spotted Libby, Cort, lil and host of other friends. I know I left something and someone out of this post but your presence and efforts are still appreciated.

It was good to have Ron in town.

Bottom line it was good food and good times.

DRAGON

Special thanks to Steve Andrews for supplying some of the photos. You can buy a picture of yourself on his site at http://www.andrewsphotogallery.com/Sports/Mountain-Biking/Florida-State-Series-2010/13746525_U5ZkC#1005390500_c3GBz BTW, congrats on winning your class Steve.

Red Faced Drama

Hard to top Ron's last blog so I won't even try. I think re-living those thoughts has him home sick so he's making the seven hour trip up here to Tally Ho for the gone riding race this weekend. Not that he would race - he's bowed out of racing ever since Asbell crashed him out of that Tom Brown Race. It went down over by the shortcut entrance (behind the RC track). Ron was riding behind Jaysun. They were 1 and 2 coming out of the BMX track headed out for another lap. Jeff was trailing and wanted to pick up a place. So... he sprinted hard, cut underneath with not quiet enough room and caused Ron to high-side. It was an awesome sight and it was THAT much funnier because it was Ron - you know because he hates people. Ron is ACTUALLY headed up here for the good fun, good times, so you know we will have to throw down.

His recent announcement has opened a debate. Should Kent race or not? On one hand it's a 9:00 start for me, I need all the points I can get, I like to punish myself and racing is just plain fun. On the other hand the last time I rode was July 27 (except for Terry's Monday beat down) and am I really going to race the other cities? I know what I think and I think I know what you think. But... what it boils down to is team dynamics. Do you want me to race to the point of red-faced drama OR.. would the team benefit more from me working the BC booth? Need your votes and feedback ASAP so I can mentally prepare for my assigned role.

K

Thoughts on a 3.5 hour cross bike ride

The old shop on Mahan, shop wiffle ball, Kent's denim overall stage, rubber Wal-mart boots to go with his overalls, Friday night Cabos, the dirty white girl at Subway, the Mike Fletcher yellow tire/ Kent Camelbak incident, Shitman, shaving Slaton's Michael Bolton cut off, glass showcase with all things anodized, the Barracuda bike movement, Tony's trials course, Brown Baggin', Chris harshing your new parts, Chick-fil-a nuggets, unboxing Costa's Indy frame, spider jumping, ball bearings for leaving your bike unattended, Benny and Jack Munson rides, tabouli out your ass salad, Sunday rides, messages if you missed Sunday rides, Kent ratcheting to China in Ellijay, Jaysun(RIP) nose diving his bike, campus BMX rides, Leech Center scenery, "Steve is out of the boat!", Mike Hossford!(RIP), Jaysun busting the window out with his ass while doing a Mike Hossford imitation(this one made me laugh out loud during my ride), Benny making you pick his bike up to verify that it was the lightest bike on the planet, riding to Tom Brown fireworks, Chicken touch my peepee from Hopkins, Winterfest parade double decker bike, Kent's conversion van(rape van by today's standards), lunches at the shop with the crew, night rides, the Books-A-Million death grip, I am a mad dog, and finally the dirty feet stripper.

Every time I ride, these thoughts pass through my brain. It was the best time of my life due to the people in it.

I think I was "living the dream", but didn't know it.

I got to spend more time up there...

Where's Gym?

So, Big Jim Slade has been missing in action from crew rides for a few weeks, and people were starting to get worried. As Big Jim has been known to go missing for years at a stretch, There is some concern that we may have reached the next Ice Age. Have no fear, I called upon an old riding buddy, an icon of justice, and I assure you, he's doing his level best to find Gym.

Lions and Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

I'm still not entirely sure this ride happened. I went to sleep Saturday night, in a fevered state of soreness and exhaustion, after Big Jim Slade suckered me into another ride where he drops the ever loving bejeezus outta me, and leaves me for dead. I whimper and shake until sleep comes fitfully.

I awake to my own home, but something feels different; can't quite put my finger on it, but it's different. I head to the kitchen as if driven by some innate knowledge that I need to fuel for a ride. Everyone is out of town, though. Except BJS, and he sucks, but is trying to atone for his sins at church this morning.

As I eat my peanut butter and waffle sandwiches, and giggle to the humor of Sweet Home Alabama (You've got a baby.....in a bar!), there comes a gentle knock at my door. Who could it be? Mister Rogers? Captain Kangaroo? Even better, my mythical, magical satyr buddy, Spanish Mackeral is dressed and ready, with cross bike at hand!

A text message later confirms another myth in the flesh, everyone's favorite unicorn, the Red Cotton Candy Butcher Dragon of Boot Camp fame, is in en route.

We rolled out easy, amidst a hazy morning of pixie dust and talking blue birds. The 3 of us made our way to the Ochlockonee River Wildlife Management Area, to seek lost trail.(Lost to us anyway!) I was so blown away by the sheer fairy tale nature of riding with these 2 white elephants(not a fat joke), that I kept expecting to round the corner and see Asland the Lion, and the Mad Hatter having tea, or maybe Lil' Ronnie with hair!

In our quest this day, we battled many an evil thorn, a vicious horde of blood letting, battle mosquitoes, and apparently one shark, as I had to stop and pull 2 of his teeth from my front tire. It was a glorious day of victory, for 3 guys getting their old school, core group, ride on!

(You'll have to forgive the blurry nature of the pics. I simply had to document this event, but apparently the Narnia filter was still engaged.)



Who knew Satyrs and Unicorns were such good friends!

You Cold Busted (The Rain)

Rain, I hate you. Looking out my window lured me into a montage from the past. Check it out below. You gotta love the breakdown starting at 3:20. I should whip out the jammy and flat blast ya. A very gloomy Dragon

August 1, I will return to the Bicycle

The last time I rode a bike was on a Sunday morning ride - when I supposed to meet the crew under the Blairstone flyover. Problem is I read Big Jim's Facebook post wrong and was a day late. Latched on to some old friends and rode out the Fern to Tom Brown. I felt really good on the bike. That is until I bailed to get some riding in (because they were to busy stopping and talking). Grooving the lower section I caught a glimpse of some Bike Chain orange and black. It was D from Guardian. He made me suffer on some of the climbs up the multi-use - and he was on a totally rigid single speed. Other than that I rode pretty good. A glimpse of me back in the saddle. Then the bottom fell out, I sold my bike, hurt my back and otherwise off the friend-grid. So my return to two wheels will be on Sunday, August 1st. Who's in?

Return of the Dragon

Twas the Night before... redemption (I hope)

I hope this is not false... hope. I hope this nervousness I'm feeling is the good kind. A little on edge because the new boss starts tomorrow. Not because I'm not capable, but because I've lost the last six months to something I thought I wanted. Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I just know I put everything I had into it and came up short. That feels bad. Double down that I was up for one of my dream jobs but came up short on that one as well. That feels double bad. This post isn't a request for sympathy, just an explanation of why I have been gone. With those dreams pushed further out of reach (at least for now) I've had to do some heavy thinking. Shut the door and sit in the dark thinking. I'm on the eve of starting a new chapter. A re-investment in the things I like and love - family, friends and bicycles. I'll come by soon and re-introduce myself. I'm sure I be on the receiving end of some well deserved shit. Just remember the harder you push on a weeble, the harder they wobble.

The Butcher

(RRP) - Racer Relocation Program

In case you haven't heard, there is yet another new government agency out there. It is for the relocation of racers who cannot bear to show their face again, ever, because of poor performance. Apparently they are not allowed to call, write, email, blog, etc, etc. Word on the street is that 007's new location is known and its only 4 hours from here. Road trip anyone???

Where's Waldo?

All of you know someone in this picture. Well, all of you should know someone in this picture. If you don't know someone in this pic, you don't count anyway. Ron, this is mostly for you - have fun. See if you can find him....or her

Red Bug Challenge - April 11th - warmer weather and better prizes

This is a shout out to all MTB racers of the past, present and future. We're hosting the second annual Red Bug Challenge in Tallahassee on April 11. This is an awesome East Coast track with lots of fun and prizes. All the Tallahassee bike shops have stepped up to support the event. A portion of the funds will go to the Tallahassee Mountain Bike Association. So whether you have a 5-step rig or an old beater, break it out and come get you some.

Register or more info - http://redbugchallenge.com/

The Butcher

Santos trip

So why haven't we been going to Santos more often? Its a 2.5 hour drive, and an easy day trip. We left at 8:30 and got back at 6 with plenty of riding in between. Its not like a race where you have to sit around and wait on all the waves to start or wait on prizes. You just show up and ride. Anyway, me, BJS, BW, Pizza Steve and Bump go get some. We start riding in the cow bone area first. It is pretty fun and somewhat similar to riding in Georgia. It was technical enough that you had to pay attention, but nothing crazy at all. PS and Bump were jumping stuff and making the most of the trail, I was just kinda sitting in, and BW and BJS were trying to find their groove. Bump was looking stellar, dropping folks and basically being the complete opposite of the last ride at TB park. The trails were great, but you could only get about thirty minutes of this stuff running front and back. So, then we head to the Vortex. On the way there is alot of Munson Hills type stuff. We start to notice something. Bump is now looking like the original Bump we knew. He is suffering. He has no legs for the fast stuff. So we all make the most of that weakness and press on. Vortex is a great trail with some rocky sections that you better be paying attention on. There are parts of that trail that could hurt you. So, based on my previous performance there, I am completely freaked out and let everyone go in front of me - including BJS. PS and Bump take off and drop everybody. BJS is completely panic stricken from everything that I keep telling him. Around every other corner I keep warning him of the impending gnarly section. Finally, the time comes, and he doesn't heed my warning. He tumbles down a rocky section and lands back first (knees to chest, feet to head) on a rock the size of your gear bag. He claims to be okay, but insists that I go in front of him now. I did, cause I think we would still be down there arguing about it had I not. From that point its smooth sailing out of there. I rode some technical stuff, took some tougher lines and cleaned everything so I was cool with that. Chris threw in a couple stunts so he was grinning ear to ear feeling proud to be a man. He did a ramp-to-rock up and over that was pretty impressive - for us wimps anyway. We then went to some of the jumps and drops and watched PS and Bump play. I showed off my drop that I hucked last time - Chris was impressed, and so was I. I would never try that again. It was stupid to try it the first time. We cruise on and start some more Munson Hills type stuff. I decide to take off and put a hurtin' on PS. Chris digs deep and puts some serious hurtin' on Bump - he just can't do the easy stuff.. All in all, some good riding was had. We quickly load up, go seek out the crappiest hamburgers we can find, get some beer and head out. It was a good trip. What are y'all doing this weekend??

Mirror, Mirror

An article found on MSNBC.com states “Forget about opposites attracting. We like people who look like us, because they tend to have personalities similar to our own. And, a new study suggests, the longer we are with someone, the more similarities in appearance grow.”

Now I don’t know that I agree with this study, but I do know that if one more person mistakes me for the Red Dragon (a/k/a The Butcher) they may get a face full of my fist.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like me some Red Dragon, but other than the slimmest of resemblance we are nothing alike. For example:

-I ride my bike regularly = Seeing Red Dragon on a bike is like spotting Sasquatch in the Pacific NW;

-I like things neat and orderly = Red Dragon’s truck looks like a refuge dispenser;

-I’m quiet and reserved and don’t like to bring allot of attention to myself out in public = Red Dragon in a public place might be heard to say, in his most loud voice “do you remember that time I crapped my pants then threw my underwear at those nuns.”

So, the next time you see a guy riding his bike on the trail, his jersey neat and pressed, not making a sound……consider that maybe, just maybe, it is not the Red Dragon….It could be Sasquatch in disguise.

K90X

Sure, most of you have heard about P90X, but how many know about K90X? Hmmmm? 4. Thats how many. I know cause it was invented today and there were 4 of us there. It was another re-invention by Kent (aka the butcher, etc, etc). The Butcher has laid down the claim that he will get in 50 rides in the next 90 days ('til Bump). Can you take the challenge? For some, it would mean cutting back on their riding to only get 50 rides in 90 days. For others ( like myself ) it is not possible. Are any of you borderliners willing to take the 90 day challenge? The Butcher says that if you follow his plan you too will be cuttin' and dicin' fools by summertime. Rides have to be over an hour to count with only two of your weekly rides being an hour. In fact, a better way to say it would be that you need at least 6 hours a week to count as 4 rides.

On a side note, watch out for 007. He is doing intervals so hard that throws up during them (and during the voice mail that he leaves me describing how hard they were). He is pretty confident about serving it up to all of you (Ric excluded)

Inspiration

I needed some inspiration. I have not ridden with any frequency since Felasco. I am just now starting to recover from having my tooth kicked in by Jack Frost and Mark. Now that I think about it, maybe Mark is Jack Frost. You Tallahassee folks have plenty of inspiration to ride. You are fortunate enough to have an abusive crew to fuel the bike ride fire. I miss that abuse, it made me ride in rain, cold, and heat. I am jealous.

Through numerous eBay transactions and some financial trickery, I built a new ride. I will have to rely on "new bike fever" to get me off the couch, hope it works.

Winding Up

The last few days have been really good on the MTB (minus the $140 lost for another broken part as a result of ANOTHER crash). Instead of us doing the same ol’ same ol’, we have started putting in some pretty good efforts during the last few rides. Last night’s ride was a blast. It was a small crew with me, Wrecking Ball, Big Worm and Lil Ball. Big Worm was a man possessed. He kept the pace up most of the ride and when he wasn’t attacking, Wrecking Ball was. Even though the efforts definitely hurt it sure felt good to put them in. Unfortunately, the cold weather combined with all of the heaving breathing has got my lungs all screwed up. I’m hacking and coughing like a 70 year old man with COPD. Maybe this little extra kick in everyone’s step is the first sign that Spring and longer days are just around the corner. I can only hope.

The only thing missing from the rides this week were the rest of the crew who were fairly consistent in the early part of fall/winter (Marko, Steve, Berg, and Tim). Sure would like to see those guys back out with us on a weekly basis. Those guys along with the lost boys (Dan, Kent, Ken, Darien, Rick) would make ALMOST everything right in the mountainbiking world.

Chain Gang - Captionater

So, you want to be a part of the Chain Gang? Are you willing to wear the gang colors?

Kent?

Where's Kent?

Jack Frost

In English folklore, Jack Frost appears as an elfish creature who personifies crisp, cold, winter weather; a variant of Father Winter (also known as "Old Man Winter"). Some believe this representation originated in Germanic folklore specifically in the Anglo-Saxon and Norse winter customs^[1][2][3][4].

Tradition holds Jack Frost responsible for leaving frosty crystal patterns on windows on cold mornings (window frost or fern frost).

I had to find somebody responsible for this cold weather Felasco shit. I found him....Jack Frost. Now that I have personified the cold, I can be angry at it and hate it. I hate Jack Frost for what he is going to do to us on this 2010 Tour de Felasco.

I am going to get mean, really mean, like the beat up a fat kid and bitch slap your grandma kinda mean, down right nasty. I need some mean Bikechain crew members to fuel the hate heat for Saturday. Don't misunderstand me, we will still say thanks and hold the door for nice people on Friday night, however, if we come across that cold sprinkling fairy, Jack Frost, we are going to beat his ass.

R.I.P

This picture goes out to brother Kent. No, he is not dead in the physical sense. Sure he’s “physically” out of shape and perhaps has hit rock bottom in the mountain biking sense, but he is still out there, somewhere, still kicking. We miss him on rides (some of the guys can actually remember what it was like to have him on a bike). There has been chatter about a comeback, perhaps him even winning the Georgia State Championship Series (although second place would be VERY respectable) in 2010. If you see him out there please pay your respects. Man I miss that guy.

This just in......

Kent may or may not be doing Felasco. He will need your words of encouragement if he is going to make it. Or, alternatively, beat him up like he is accustom to. Today, the doc said it may be an infection and has put him on some antibiotics. If thats the case, he should be able to make it because he should be feeling better in a couple days. Either way, its probably going to be a very long 50 miles for the out-of-shape, recovering from a flu-like sickness, red dragon butcher. If he does go, I have him talked in to riding the Turner (I think), which means Steve will have a single speed to ride :)

New TV show - its a must see!!!

Just saw an advertisement for a show on CBS. It sounds like it would be a great show. I can't wait to catch it sometime. Or, maybe just set up the DVR. All I really know about it is what you can infer from the title, but it sounds awesome. Go check it out - its called Everybody Hates Chris. How could you go wrong with a show like that - huh? Huh? Hmmmmm

A Broken Clock is Still Right Twice a Day

More than 10 years ago I found myself at a New Year's eve party. It was at Tim's house. It was nicer than the usual parties I had been to before. Long Shanks isn't afraid to party, he was just doing it a little be classier than what we had been used to. Nice buffet spread on the dining room table. Music, games inside. Fire, grill and a bar outside. Two things stick out from that party. One, this one of my times my abrasiveness was really over the top. It reared it's head when you combined a youthful me, alcohol and the game Taboo. Imagine me laying on the Taboo buzzer with one hand while grabbing my crotch with other, topped off with me screaming get some of dat mother f*cker! All the while Brent's parents were in the same room mortified. I was quick to apologize which was even more quickly nullified by my next outburst - eat my *ss b*tc! I was hammered - It was awesome.

The other thing I remember even though I was deep into the liquor was the cigars. That was during Brent and Tim's cigar phase. As the clock struck 12 somebody busted out the stogies. Unfortunately, I decided to hot box the cigar. I used to love the sweet smell of a cigar. Now I'm drunk and this disgusting cigar film is in my clothes, nose, mouth and most certainly lungs. That was the least of my concern. I'd carry this film for a solid week. Not a great way to start the year.

This year (last year actually) I started early. I got my mind right and wrote down some things that are important to me. Things I believe I can accomplish in 2010. Even before that I've been doing some basic things like push ups and a little core work. That's my biggest issue at Felasco. I can ride 50 miles any day of the week, but my upper body will pay. In my mind I had some rides that I needed to hit this week. These were must do rides or I can't pull off Felasco. I spent NYE in bed shivering from fever. Did that on NYD in the morning but pain meds helped. Then we went to my parents for lunch. Champagne and push ups. If I can't get in a ride, I need to do something. The champagne wears off and I begin to shiver - again. I guess we won't make it to Tim's party. London drops me off at the house and I spend it holed up with meds and a dark room. Last night, here comes the elevated heart rate and shivers again. More meds and sleep. This morning I feel better but still a little off. By mid morning temp and shivers are again on the rise. Three days of temp can wear on you. I now know I'm defeated.

All these years later I now know I have this heavy film on me again. It's beauce I know I won't make it at Felasco. I'm out of time. Nobody to blame but myself. It is a little bit of buzz kill because I was up and looking forward to the new year. Looking forward to our annual trip. Getting back into the groove of hanging with guys and riding. Not just Felasco but making the Tuesday ride and getting Thursday lunch started back up. To top it off nobody believes it or cares that much but I'm in training for the GSC. Except me. I know that I'm good for it. But being wishy washy really is ammo to say same ole same ole. As always the proof will be in the pudding. I hear rumor that micro will be bailing at 25. That might be more agreeable. We'll have to look at it over the next couple of days. If everybody was going today I'd bail. We'll reassess tomorrow.

The Butcher

You Can't Start a Fire in the Rain

Wow. You get older, you feel older. Massive neglect the last few years, especially last year has finally caught up to me. I arranged a play date for my bike seat and taint on Wednesday night. Turns out that was the least of my worries. The left knee was chirping from my one and only catastrophic hyper extension in my life. It was when Revolutions had a soccer team, the Revolutions Dogs. Streaking down the line at full speed, my knee fully extended the wrong way. I was out for the game and should have seen a doctor. But I was young and it was all good. It hurts now and then, but not enough to cut on it.

That knee chirping is drowned out by some unknown force plucking at my low back. The back of course was severely injured multiple times. It was back in the day when I would ride trials with Big Tony, Brent and Jaysun (RIP). Those rides and falls were the catalyst to my first introduction with a chiropractor. Bouwaiinnnn. Was that my back? No, just keep pedaling smooth. Bouwainnnn. The single notes keep playing for the first five miles and I'm thinking there is no way I'm doing Felasco.

At about mile six I start to meld back into the bike. I make an effort to relax. The only thing that is really bothering me now is the neck. Nothing I can do here but put time on the bike. I know it will hurt the next day and the next. One of those push through it things. The neck was originally injured bench pressing in high school. I was a little punk that couldn't hardly lift 135 pounds in the 11th grade. PE for football players was weights and football. Within about six weeks I was benching more than 200 pounds. I felt like a bad ass. But somewhere along the way I wrenched my neck. To this day it hurts if I am stressed - mentally or physically - which is to say it can hurt all the time.

So yesterday as the day went on I went into a rainy part of my head. The neck and trap area became more and more sore until I took some meds. I feel bad enough that I am sick. Cold in a hot house. No problem I think. It'll be good enough in the morning to ride. As I awoke this morning I discovered rain and a scratchy throat. That makes a little more sense. Sick I can deal with. I'm just a little run down. So... I still plan to put in my 20 today, double the mileage from Wednesday night. I need help though. It's raining in Tallahassee and in my head. Anybody got any flint?

Dragon